BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads which were actually
placed in U.K.
newspapers:


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.


8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!


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FREE PUPPIES


1/2 Cocker Spaniel , 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.


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FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered
German Shepherd.


Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences
in a single bound.


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COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for
sale.


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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!


Must sell washer and dryer £100.


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WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.


Worn once by mistake.


Call Stephanie .


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And the WINNER is...


FOR SALE
BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica , 45 volumes.


Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.


No longer needed, got married, wife knows
everything.


(Statement of the Century)


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Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker
-- Billy Connolly .


"If women are so bloody perfect at
multitasking,


How come they can't have a headache and sex at
the same time?"


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Children Are Quick


TEACHER: Why are you late?


STUDENT: Class started before I got here.


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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?


JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.


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TEACHER: Glenn , how do you spell 'crocodile?'


GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'


TEACHER: No, that's wrong


GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I
spell it.


(I Love this child)


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TEACHER: Donald , what is the chemical formula
for water?


DONALD: H I J K L M N O.


TEACHER: What are you talking about?


DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.


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TEACHER: Winnie , name one important thing we
have today that we didn't have ten years ago.


WINNIE: Me!


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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?


GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than
you are.


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TEACHER: Millie , give me a sentence starting
with ' I. '


MILLIE: I is.


TEACHER: No, Millie ..... Always say, 'I am.'


MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of
the alphabet.'


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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down
his father's cherry tree,


but also admitted it. Now, Louie , do you know
why his father didn't punish him?


LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his
hand.....


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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?


SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good
cook.


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TEACHER: Clyde ,
your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you
copy his?


CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.


(I want to adopt this kid!!!)


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TEACHER: Harold , what do you call a person who
keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?


HAROLD: A teacher .


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PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH


Due to current economic
conditions, the light at the end


of the tunnel has been turned
off.