You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of
and so many others.
there was not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are a
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my
mother-in-law to the
* I've been in love with the same woman
for 49 years! If my wife ever finds
out, she'll kill me!
* What are
three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
* Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it.
less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If
I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we
spent our wedding night;
only this time I stayed in the bathroom and
* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife
the Dead Sea .
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two
days. Then the mud fell off.
* The Doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay his bill so
the doctor gave him another six
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check
came back. "
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
"You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been
The drunk says "Okay, let's get
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that
Ton spelled backward is Not
There is a big controversy on
the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish
tradition, the fetus is not
considered viable until it graduates from medical
Q: Why don't
Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone
finish a sentence!
A man called his mother in Florida ,
"Mom, how are
" Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten
The son said, "That's terrible.
Why haven't you eaten
in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be
filled with food
if you should call."
A Jewish boy comes home from
school and tells his mother he has a part in the
play. She asks,
part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light
A: (Sigh) Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a
Short summary of every Jewish holiday:
tried to kill us. We won.
Did you hear about the bum who
walked up to a Jewish mother on the street
and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten
in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.
Q: What's the
difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the
Rottweiler lets go.
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Jewish women don't like anything that Isn't 20% off.
Save the earth, it's the
only planet with