Dear
American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:
We have
stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the
whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a
divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of
future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its
course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and
will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on
friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable
differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation
agreement:
1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the
country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the
difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly
agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides
had such distinct and disparate tastes.
2. We don't like
redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.
3. You are welcome to
the liberal judges and the ACLU.
4. Since you hate guns and
war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the
military.
5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you
can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.
6. You can keep
Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible
for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of
them.
7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.
8. You
can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless
homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.
9. We'll
keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and
Rednecks.
10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and
Hollywood.
11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine
and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten
us.
12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters.
When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide
them security.
13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian
values.
14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology,
Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLaine. You can also have
the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
15.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can
take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
16. You can
give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing
doctors.
17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an
earned luxury and not a right.
18. We'll keep "The Battle
Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
19. I'm
sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine," "I'd Like to Teach the
World to Sing," "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World."
20. We'll
practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up
poverty your best shot.
21. Since it often so offends you,
we'll keep our history, our name, our constitution and our
flag.
22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it
along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you
do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll
bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15
years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law
Student and an American
P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner,
Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with
you.
P.P.S.: And you won't have to "Press 1 for English"
when you call our country.
Forward this every time you get
it! Let's keep this going; maybe some of it will start sinking
in!
**If you can't
stand behind our Military, please feel free to stand in front of them!
American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:
We have
stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the
whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a
divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of
future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its
course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and
will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on
friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable
differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation
agreement:
1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the
country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the
difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly
agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides
had such distinct and disparate tastes.
2. We don't like
redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.
3. You are welcome to
the liberal judges and the ACLU.
4. Since you hate guns and
war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the
military.
5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you
can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.
6. You can keep
Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible
for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of
them.
7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.
8. You
can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless
homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.
9. We'll
keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and
Rednecks.
10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and
Hollywood.
11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine
and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten
us.
12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters.
When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide
them security.
13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian
values.
14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology,
Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLaine. You can also have
the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
15.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can
take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
16. You can
give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing
doctors.
17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an
earned luxury and not a right.
18. We'll keep "The Battle
Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
19. I'm
sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine," "I'd Like to Teach the
World to Sing," "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World."
20. We'll
practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up
poverty your best shot.
21. Since it often so offends you,
we'll keep our history, our name, our constitution and our
flag.
22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it
along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you
do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll
bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15
years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law
Student and an American
P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner,
Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with
you.
P.P.S.: And you won't have to "Press 1 for English"
when you call our country.
Forward this every time you get
it! Let's keep this going; maybe some of it will start sinking
in!
**If you can't
stand behind our Military, please feel free to stand in front of them!
