The Zipper

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the first step of the bus.  Slightly embarrassed and smiling to the bus driver, she reached behind to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise the leg.  She tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.  

A little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time, she attempted the step, and, once again much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. 

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more.  Again she was unable to make the step. 

About this time, a large Texan, who was standing behind her, picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched: 

-How dare you touch my body!  I don't even know who you are!

The Texan smiled and drawled:

-Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you.  But after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.

And that's the way it is.................

 Old & New Chinese Proverb

 

 

Original Chinese Proverb:

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

 

2012 White House Revision:
Give a person a welfare check, afree cell phone with unlimited free minutes, cash for their clunker, food stamps, section 8 housing, free contraceptives, Medicaid, ninety-nine weeks of unemployment, free meds, and they will vote for Democrats the rest of their life; even after they
are deceased!!!

 Don't play with senior citizens ...

 

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Bev my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an “a--hole” . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Bev called him a “s--t head”.  He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.  It's important at our age.

 

 

A positive attitude is an intellectual choice

The Rules of Rural New York

Yes, there is a huge state beyond New York City and it is called Upstate New York. It has some beautiful large cities and is also full of MANY, MANY small towns and abundant farm land which we call Rural New York. Here is someone's take on "Rural New York" and it's quite accurate. THE RULES OF RURAL NEW YORK ARE AS FOLLOWS: Listen up City Slickers! 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap around straight... Your head isn't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. I drive a pickup truck because I want to. 4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-90 and I-81 go west and south... Use em. 5. So you have a $60,000 car... We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines... To harvest corn and soybeans that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 6. So every person in rural New York waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. Yeah, we eat meat, taters and gravy, beans and biscuits, and homemade pie. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at Jim 's bait shop. 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the Saturday before Thanksgiving. 10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. 11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak or chicken. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey. 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices... Salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah... We don't care what you folks in Chicago call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI !! 13. You bring 'coke' into my house... It better be brown, wet and served over ice. 14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long blonde hair. 15. The Syracuse Orangemen and high school football are as important here as the Giants and the Jets and more fun to watch. 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards... It spooks the fish. 17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Cornell University , Ithaca College , Syracuse U. , Colgate, the SUNY system, Community Colleges, and Voc-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and Country, and they still wave to everybody when they come home for the holidays. 18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump junk ain't music anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1.) 19. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard... it's a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and eggs off the grocery shelves. This ain't Alaska ! Worst case... You may have to live a whole day without croissants. Anyway.... The pickups with snowplows will have you out the next day. 20. If you've never been here, come visit our friendly folks and enjoy our spectacular scenery... Lakes, farmland, great fishing and hunting, wineries, museums, lots of history. Take a boat ride on the Erie Canal . Check out Niagara Falls and the Adirondacks and Catskill Mountains . 21. By the way, if you want to talk to God in New York ... it's a local call. HAVE A GREAT DAY! FROM RURAL NEW YORK WITH LOVE...

Wonderful Photos from Mars Lander         Incredible images from the latest batch of photographs sent back from the Mars lander.  This camera is totally fantastic.   =

Fish

Here's an interesting new resource for those who are concerned about the proliferation of fish that is less than fresh, and the introduction of Asian carp and other junk fish to restaurants and local markets (for example, "basa" a white fish which looks like haddock or cod in the showcase, comes from the Mekong Delta in Vietnam, one of the most polluted waterways in the world....but it's CHEAP, so they buy and sell it to unsuspecting customers, even when fresh, healthy, local fish may be available nearby.)   We live in Florida, not far from the docks where local fleets bring in many varieties of fresh, delicious fish, yet we found inferior basa, all the way from Vietnam, on the menu at the Big Game Restaurant in Fort Myers Beach and on display at Publix!   Read the signs and menus and ask tough questions. You may be surprised and angry at what you discover.  I was.   http://www.ilovebluesea.com/