Thoughts: Some old ones some new ones all good advice 4 U. ...

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So Good I Stuttered Posting This.....

Big O Giggles

 

 

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Holy Humor...

Holy Humor 

 

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth."

 

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

 

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

 

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

 

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

 

While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

 

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

 

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

 

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

 

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

 

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Why Moldova Urgently Matters

Why Moldova Urgently Matters

"Left" and "Right": A little Bible study...

 

A Little Bible Study   "Left" and "Right": A little Bible study.   Remember what Jesus said: 'Goats on the left, sheep on the right'(Matthew 25:33).   Jesus also told Peter that if he wanted to catch fish do it from the right side of the boat.  They did and filled the boat with fish.   John 21:6 (NIV) He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some."  When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish."   Origin of Left & Right... I have often wondered why it is that Conservatives are called the "right" and Liberals are called the "left".   By chance I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible: Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV) - "The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left." Thus sayeth the Lord.  Amen.   It surely can't get any simpler than that.   Spelling Lesson:  The last four letters in American...........I Can The last four letters in Republican........I Can The last four letters in Democrats.........Rats   End of lesson.  Test to follow on November 6, 2014.   Remember, November 2014 is to be set aside as rodent removal month.  Please help to achieve that goal.

Time to bone up on your history knowledge! A little quiz for all you concerned citizens

 

 

Time to bone up on your history knowledge!   A little quiz for all you concerned citizens   The following is incredible. I didn't get one correct answer. Prepare for a shock at the answer and prepare yourself for the next election !! Six trivia questions to see how much history you really know. Be honest, it's kind of fun and revealing. If you don't know the answer make your best guess. Answer all of the questions (no cheating) before looking at the answers.   1) "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."    A. Karl Marx B. Adolph Hitler C. Joseph Stalin D.Barack Obama E. None of the above   2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few...... And to replace it with shared responsibility, for shared prosperity."   A. Lenin B. Mussolini C. Idi Amin D. Barack Obama E. None of the above   3) "(We).....can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people."   A. Nikita Khrushev B. Joseph Goebbels C. BorisYeltsin D. Barack Obama E. None of the above   4) "We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own ... in order to create this common ground."    A. Mao Tse Tung B. Hugo Chavez C. Kim Jong II D.Barack Obama E. None of the above   5) "I certainly think the free-market has failed."   A. Karl Marx B. Lenin C. Molotov D. Barack Obama E. None of the above    6) "I think it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched."    A. Pinochet B. Milosevic C. Saddam Hussein D.Barack Obama E. None of the above        .......... Scroll down for answers   > > > > > > > > > >     and the answers are ~~~~~~~~~~~~~     (1) E. None of the above. Statement was made byHillary Clinton 6/29/2004   (2) E. None of the above. Statement was made byHillary Clinton 5/29/2007   (3) E. None of the above. Statement was made byHillary Clinton 6/4/2007   (4) E. None of the above. Statement was made byHillary Clinton 6/4/2007   (5 ) E None of the above. Statement was made byHillary Clinton 6/4/2007   (6). E. None of the above. Statement was made byHillary Clinton 9/2/2005   **** Want to know something scary? She may be the next president if you don't forward this to everyone that you know.

The Inevitability of Foreign Entanglements

The Inevitability of Foreign Entanglements