Best SmartA-- Answers this year.

The Best Smart Ass Answers of the year!!

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'


SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR !!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

 
 

 
 

 

Simply Amazing when you think about it!

 
 
 
SIMPLY AMAZING WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT

Isn't it amazing that, within only one week of Tiger Woods crashing his Escalade, the press found every woman with whom Tiger has had an affair during the last few years?
And, they even uncovered photos, text messages, recorded phone calls, etc.!
Furthermore, they not only know the cause of the family fight, but they even know it was a 9 iron from his golf bag that his wife used to break out the windows in the Escalade.
And, each & every day, they were able to continue to provide America with updates on Tiger's sex rehab stay, his wife's divorce settlement figures, as well as the dates & tournaments in which he will play.
Now, Barack Hussein Obama has been in office for almost three years, yet this very same press:
· Cannot find any of his childhood friends or neighbors;
· Or find any of Obama's high school or college classmates;
· Or locate any of his college papers or grades;
· Or determine how he paid for both a Columbia & a Harvard education;
· Or discover which country issued his visa to travel to Pakistan in the 1980's;
· Or even find Michelle Obama's Princeton thesis on racism.
They just can't seem to uncover any of this.
Yet, the public still trusts that same press to give them the whole truth!
Don’t you find that totally amazing ?




You cannot get the water to clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek.

Obama's November Approval Weak From Historical Perspective

Obama's November Approval Weak From Historical Perspective

CARAFANO: Staying on offense for cyberdefense - Washington Times

CARAFANO: Staying on offense for cyberdefense - Washington Times

BBC News: Taliban peace deal ‘threat to women’s future’
by ukforcesafghanistan December 2, 2011
Women’s rights activists in Afghanistan say they fear the advances made by women over the past decade could be reversed if a peace deal is done with the Taliban.

The Taliban came once for Fawzia Koofi, and she knows they could come again. This prominent member of parliament – and mother of two – survived a hail of bullets last year.

Continues at: bbc.co.uk – Taliban peace deal ‘threat to women’s future’

Thank U Obama Regime!!

Muslim Brotherhood Takes Elections by Storm - Middle East - News - Israel National News

Muslim Brotherhood Takes Elections by Storm - Middle East - News - Israel National News

Texas Bank Sign Warms My Heart

    TEXAS BANK SIGN Texas Bank Sign-Perhaps a branch coming to your area soon!   In case you would like to change your bank, I suggest this one. I'm sure you'll understand when I say 'Here is a sign I'd like to see on MY bank.' Notice the sign on the front door (pictured below). Chappell Hill is a small town between Houston and Brenham on Hwy 290. Any would-be robbers planning to walk into the bank here had best think twice. There is a new sign in town. About a month ago, Chappell Hill Bank president Edward Smith looked at a sign on the front door prohibiting concealed weapons from his business and decided to make a policy change. Licensed to carry a handgun? Come on in, and bring your weapon. The sign, now prominently displayed on the bank's front door, says: "Lawful concealed carry permitted on these premises. Management recognizes the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution as an inalienable right of all citizens. We therefore support and encourage the carrying of licensed concealed weapons." Smith said he made the policy change to send a warning to potential robbers, and also to express support for Americans right to bear arms. "We had the sign on the window, the red circle with the pistol inside and a line through. I started thinking. We've got this no gun sign up and a robber can come in and do what he wants. But if you've got a policy allowing handguns, he won't know how many people are going to be in here carrying a concealed weapon. There may be some little old lady who's mad at the government, and she'd love to use it" he said. The bank has been robbed twice in the last three years, including last March when a Western-attired man walked in, ordered bank employees to fill a canvas bag with money and then fled in a pickup truck. The man, who did not brandish a weapon, has not been caught. The sign has made Chappell Hill Bank and Smith somewhat of an Internet sensation. A photo of the sign has made its way around the world, and Smith has even been interviewed for the National Rifle Association's radio network www.nranews.com/#/nranews. He's also been contacted by other media outlets wanting to do stories. "It's kind of gotten a life of its own" he said. Expressions of support have far outnumbered criticism. Smith has been contacted by officials from larger banks considering taking similar action, and has received e-mails in support from across the United States and even from England, Canada, and Germany . "I haven't gotten any from Chicago or California , which doesn't surprise me", Smith said with a laugh. "We did get a real nice email from an 88-year-old World War II veteran who said it's about time somebody stood up in this country." The NRA has even invited him to speak at an upcoming convention, but Smith said, "I'm still deciding on that." Smith said he's only received one negative e-mail, from an anonymous sender. The policy change has also brought Chappell Hill Bank a handful of new customers and comments from people outside Washington County that they'd bank there if they lived here, said Smith. "I tell them that we're a full-service bank and we're on the Internet. They can bank online", he said.