SM1's BLOG 4 U: AN AGGREGATION OF CONSERVATIVE VIEWS, NEWS, SOME HUMOR, & SCIENCE TOO! ... "♂, ♀, *, †, ∞"
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Garden Snake warning!!
READ ALL OF IT.
Garden snakes can be dangerous
I didn't think twice about this tiny fellow on my baby boxwood until I got this letter:
GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...
Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.
Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing
a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass
snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him
there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the
family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end
of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake.
He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the
woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the
snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth
and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point
where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him,
so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring
it down the man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here...
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest
them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake
and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled,
jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when
they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones
in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new
car and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night.
The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
And that's when he shot her.
Its been a long time since I laughed that hard at an email...................
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
God Bless America song THIS SHOULD GET YOUR ATTENTION
The link below will take you to a video showing the very first public singing of "GOD BLESS AMERICA".
But before you watch, you should also know the story of the song.
The time was 1940. America was still in a terrible economic depression. Hitler was taking over Europe and
Americans were afraid we'd have to go to war. It was a time of hardship and worry for most Americans.
This was the era just before TV, when radio shows were HUGE, and American families sat around their
radios in the evenings, listening to their favorite entertainers, and no entertainer of that era was bigger than
Kate Smith.
Kate was also large in size, and the popular phrase still used today is in deference to her, "Ain't over till the
fat lady sings". Kate Smith might not have made it big in the age of TV, but with her voice coming over the
radio, she was the biggest star of her time.
Kate was also very patriotic. It hurt her to see Americans so depressed and afraid of what the next day
would bring. She had hope for America, and faith in her fellow Americans. She wanted to do something to
cheer them up, so she went to the famous American song-writer, Irving Berlin (who also wrote "White Christmas")
and asked him to write a song that would make Americans feel good again about their country.
When she described what she was looking for, he said he had just the song for her. He went to his files and
found a song that he had written, but never published, 22 years before - way back in 1917, during the first World War. He gave it to Kate Smith and she worked on it with her studio orchestra. She and Irving Berlin were not sure how the song would be received by the public, but both agreed they would not take any profits from God Bless America. Any profits
would go to the Boy Scouts of America.
Over the years, the Boy Scouts have received millions and millions of dollars in royalties from this song.
This video starts out with Kate Smith coming into the radio studio with the orchestra and an audience.
She introduces the new song for the very first time, and starts singing. After the first couple of verses, with her voice in the background still singing, scenes are shown from the 1940 movie, "You're In The Army Now."
At the 4:20 mark of the video you see a young actor in the movie, sitting in an office, reading a paper. It is Ronald Reagan.
Frank Sinatra considered Kate Smith the best singer of her time, and said when he and a million other guys first heard her sing "God Bless America" on the radio, they all pretended to have dust in their eyes as they wiped away a tear or two.
To this day, God Bless America stirs our patriotic feelings and pride in our country. Back in 1940, when Kate Smith went looking for a song to raise the spirits of her fellow Americans, I doubt she realized just how successful the results would be for her fellow Americans during those years of hardship and worry, and for many generations of Americans to follow. Now that you know the story of the song, I hope you will enjoy it and treasure it even more.
NOW HERE IS HOW "GOD BLESS AMERICA" SHOULD BE SUNG!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?feature=player_embedded&v=TnQDW-NMaRs#%21
How well do we treat our employees and their families
Spring break for a 13 year old - on taxpayers' dime.
Obama’s 13 year-old daughter went, with 12 friends, on “spring break” to Oaxaca Mexico. All on your dime. She took two jets, 12 friends and 25 secret service men. A thirteen year-old!!! Why haven’t you heard about it? The Obama Administration had the Secret Service scouring the web ordering that any website mentioning this be taken down because letting the travel plans out could endanger the president’s daughter’s security. Nonsense, the “royal couple” just want to hide the way they are ripping off the U.S. taxpayer. Only a few Canadian Web sites still have it up. This trip cost more than most Americans make in their entire lifetimes!
http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/maliamexico.asp
How Many Days Old Are You?
Puts a different perspective on life!
How Many Days Old Are You?
This will give you a jolt!
Click here: How many days old are you
Old Guy Just Trying to Have Fun....
Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You 're almost 72 years old and you 're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"I'm in trouble again, and I don 't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week." I told her.
She fainted!
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be a lot of fun.
VOLKSWAGEN PASSAT...in England--Reason It's Not Sold in the U.S. Opinion time I think - - -
Only in America!
Wow! The revelation in the below video will make you bristle!-----
You won't be sorry, just amazed !-----
http://video.staged.com/localshops/vw_passat_785_mpg_in_the_uk
Something to think about!!
Test your knowledge of Liberal Media! Take the Quiz on Politix.
What Do You Know About Liberal Media?
Which cable network, formerly owned by Al Gore, was recently purchased by Al Jazeera:
Bravo, HGTV, Euronews, or Current TV?
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Roll Call...
Attendance call on the first day back at school in Philadelphia.
The teacher takes the roll call:
"Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?"
"Here."
"Achmed El Kabul?"
"Here."
"Fatima Al Chadoury?"
"Here."
"Abdul Alu Ohlmi?"
"Here."
"Mohammed Ibn Achrha?"
"Here."
"Mi Cha El Oh Ben" Silence in the classroom.
"Mi Cha El Oh Ben" Continued silence as everyone looked around the room. She repeated,
"Is there any child here called Mi Cha El Oh Ben?"
A boy puts his hand up and says, "Sorry teacher. I think that's me. It's pronounced Michael OBrien."
IN GOD WE TRUST
Brilliant in its simplicity................
A. Back off and let those men
who want to marry men, marry men.
B. Allow those women who want to
marry women, marry women.
C. Allow those folks who want to
abort their babies, abort their
babies.
In three generations, there will be no
Democrats.
Damn - I love
it when a plan comes together.
It got me to thinking...
My 9-year-old likes to ask questions. He is a lot like his mom that way. I was putting him down to bed recently and he asked me, “Dad, why did God create everything including the chance to sin?” I paused. Then I silently asked God for wisdom. Finally I said, “He created us to save us. Those two decisions were actually the same decision by God.” Then he paused.
I could tell his little brain was working to sort out what I just said. Eventually he asked, “Well, how do you know that’s possible?” to which I responded, “Only by the resurrection of Jesus, son. His resurrection proves that our salvation is possible.” “Hmm…ok,” he responded, and then the next question was about Legos. He followed that up by asking about an issue with the timeline of a few events in Star Wars. It was a very brief, but sweet moment, and it got me to thinking about the connection between my salvation & Jesus’ resurrection.
This Sunday, Dr. Powell will be back in town, and we will gather together at McGregor to celebrate Easter. Celebrating the resurrection is not just about being hopeful about life in general. It’s not some sort of analogy for mystical renewal that happens because it’s springtime. It’s also not intended to inspire us to try harder to be good. No, for those whom God has saved, our confidence is inevitably tied to the resurrection of Jesus on Easter Sunday morning two millennia ago. Jesus’ resurrection proves that our salvation is possible because He made it possible. Celebrating the resurrection is all about giving God glory for everything His work accomplished in saving us.
In Romans 4, the Apostle Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, connects salvation to the resurrection. In a reference to Abraham’s salvation, Paul says that Abraham was…
21“fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. 22That is why his faith was ‘counted to him as righteousness.’”
Abraham didn’t know the name “Jesus.” He lived prior to the incarnation, but that doesn’t mean he is somehow unable to be saved. Paul makes it clear here in Romans 4 and elsewhere (Galatians 3:1-9) that Abraham is among those whom God has saved. In the Old Testament, people were saved not by their own righteousness and good works, but just like Abraham, they were saved by God’s grace through the gift of faith in the promised One to come. Paul drives this point home by drawing the parallel between Abraham then and the redeemed now:
23“But the words ‘it was counted to him’ were not written for his sake alone, 24but for ours also.”
Paul makes it clear that Abraham’s salvation is not unique, even though he was alive prior to Jesus’ birth. If Abraham was justified by faith, then every other person whom God saves is justified on that exact same basis. Salvation is now and has always been by grace through faith alone, not works. Everyone who has ever been redeemed has been so by the faith God gives in salvation. Again, Galatians 3 makes this exact same point.
So there’s just no way a person can make himself or herself right before a holy God by his or her own effort. Salvation is only possible because God makes it possible. It only happens by faith whether your name is Abraham, Jorge Bergoglio, David Miller or whoever. If that is true, celebrating the resurrection can’t be about trying harder to justify myself. That’s impossible. The resurrection is proof of the salvation that God made possible. Paul continues…
24b“It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, 25who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.”
Do you see it? Do you notice the double mention of the resurrection in those two verses? The object of belief for those who have been redeemed is “him who raised from the dead.” That’s Jesus, and one Friday night many years ago, Jesus was “delivered up” to die and be crucified because of our need to be justified. We can’t justify ourselves. We can’t make ourselves right before God. We can’t cover the gap between our sin and His holiness. It’s so impossible that even trying to do that insults God (Isaiah 64:6).
No, salvation is only possible because Jesus made it possible, and His resurrection proves that God fully accepted the sacrifice of His Son on behalf of the redeemed. To quote Pastor Russell from this past Sunday, “Friday afternoon is when the card got swiped and the transaction took place. Sunday morning is when the receipt printed out to prove it.”
If God has saved you, I encourage you in the run up to Easter Sunday to stay focused on what God made possible in you that you could not. Do not get distracted with reports of religiosity around the world and idiotic discussions of self-renewal. Be reminded of what God has accomplished in saving you as you look at the proof that has been provided in Jesus’ resurrection. Hope to see you Sunday as we celebrate the resurrection that proves salvation is possible.
David Miller
Associate Pastor of Membership
Our Family Easter Devotional guide is a great tool for families. Check it out here http://www.mcgregor.net/news-and-events/easter-2013/
Join us on Wednesday, April 3 for Fellowship Night! Food & Fun for ALL! For more details, go here www.mcgregor.net/news-and-events/all-church-fellowship-night-2013/
Encounter. Discover. Serve. Reach.
Visit Us Online
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Wednesday night discipleship ministies for all ages.
Click for details.
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Our mailing address is:
McGregor Baptist Church
3750 Colonial Blvd.Fort Myers, FL 33966
World's Shortest Books
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods
____________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan
& Michelle Obama
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By "The Rev Jesse Jackson" & "The Rev Al Sharpton"
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
_________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
_________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
By Amelia Earhart
____________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
__________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy
_________
MY BOOK ON MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by
The Rev. Jesse Jackson
And foreward by
Tiger Woods with John Edwards
____________________________________________________
HOW TO WIN A SUPERBOWL
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS
___________________________________________________
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
By Nancy Pelosi
________________________________________________________
And the shortest book of them all.......................
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
By Barack Obama
Thursday, March 28, 2013
US Economy Expands at Anemic Growth of 0.4%
News from The Associated Press
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_ECONOMY_GDP?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2013-03-28-08-33-49
Obama Fiscal Policy's Rotten Fruit...
So Long, Yankees! China And Brazil Ditch US Dollar In Trade Deal Before BRICS Summit
http://www.ibtimes.com/so-long-yankees-china-brazil-ditch-us-dollar-trade-deal-brics-summit-1153415#
Guns Save Lives
Serbu Firearms Tells NYPD To Pound Sand When They Tried to Buy a Semi Auto .50 Cal
Anti Gun Journalist Writes Anti Gun Column, Gets Almost Everything Wrong and Makes Zero Sense
eBay Auction For Autographed Jim Carrey Pic to Raise Money For Gun Purchase is over $800!
Anti Gun Mayor Bloomberg Takes Armed Security Detail to Bermuda, Where Guns Are Outlawed
Serbu Firearms Tells NYPD To Pound Sand When They Tried to Buy a Semi Auto .50 Cal
Posted: 27 Mar 2013 11:11 AM PDT
Serbu Firearms, makers of a .50 caliber, semi automatic rifle stands with the gun owners of America and they got to take that stand recently when they were approached by the NYPD about obtaining one of their rifles. This is the original communication sent to Serbu: On 03/18/2013 01:24 PM, XXXXXXXX wrote: Mr. Serbu, My [...]
Anti Gun Journalist Writes Anti Gun Column, Gets Almost Everything Wrong and Makes Zero Sense
Posted: 27 Mar 2013 08:30 AM PDT
Wow, so I just read the biggest piece of anti gun propoganda I have ever seen. Normally I would just let stuff like this slide and laugh, but this guy is so wrong and so utterly ridiculous in his assertions that I feel the need to comment. The column in question is written by Edgar [...]
eBay Auction For Autographed Jim Carrey Pic to Raise Money For Gun Purchase is over $800!
Posted: 27 Mar 2013 08:01 AM PDT
We reported yesterday that a seller on eBay was selling an autographed 8×10 Jim Carrey picture in order to raise money for a gun purchase to protect his family. Now, Just 24 hours later, the auction has soared to over $800, and there is still over 5 days left! We wish the seller good luck [...]
Anti Gun Mayor Bloomberg Takes Armed Security Detail to Bermuda, Where Guns Are Outlawed
Posted: 27 Mar 2013 07:54 AM PDT
For the most part, not even the police forces in Bermuda are armed. However, there is one person who is well protected by a full, armed security detail when he travels there – anti gun NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg. The Washington Times reports that the mayor has traveled to the island with armed security before. [...]
ClashDaily.com
Gutfeld: Hollywood Hates You, Middle America
On ‘The Five’, Greg Gutfeld continues to rail against Jim Carrey for his anti-gun parody. Gutfeld and the panel defend Charlton Heston as a Hollywood icon and civil rights activist and ask why Carrey didn’t ... READ MORE
Florida: Concealed Carry Permits Up, Violent Crime Down
The recent report from ABC News that in Florida, where there are more concealed weapons permits than anywhere else in the country, violent crime has dropped to the lowest point in history, delighted Sean Caranna, executive [...] ... READ MORE
HOT OPINIONS
Same Colorado Lawmaker Suggests Women Eat Chipotle to Prevent Rape
Monster Moms of Islam
Coffee Please — with a Side of Common Sense
The Broken Homeland
MAN STUFF: Survival Expert on Life, the Wild, and Sharp Things
Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson Slams Technology in Funny Music Video: “Nope”
To All My Liberal Friends, Part II: I Will Not Be Silent
NEWS CLASH
Supreme Court Appears Unwilling to Legalize Gay Marriage Nationwide
Gun Store Rescinds Kelly’s Rifle Purchase, Questions His ‘Intent’
Gov. Rick Scott Wants “Stomp on Jesus” FAU Investigated
Saudi Arabia’s Top Muslim Cleric Slams Twitter
VIDEO: Doug Giles Rocks the 2nd Amendment Rally in Lansing, MI
Chaos and Carnage Outside a Mexican Pepsi Bottling Plant
MAN STUFF: 80yr. old Bad Ass Plans Third Assault on Everest
MUST-SEE
The Broken Homeland
To All My Liberal Friends, Part II: I Will Not Be Silent
Gov. Rick Scott Wants “Stomp on Jesus” FAU Investigated
CRUCIAL RESOURCES
One Citizen Speaking...
DEVIL'S RED LIGHT CAMERA BILL IS BAIT AND SWITCH FOR THE BENEFIT OF RED LIGHT CAMERA VENDORS
Posted: 28 Mar 2013 02:48 AM PDT
It's about municipal revenue and political corruption, not safety ...
In case anyone has not been paying attention, red light cameras were sold to the public as an accident prevention safety measure. However, statistical analysis has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is more about municipal revenue generation and the political corruption of red light camera vendors. There have been relatively few red light accidents, while there has been an increase in rear-end accidents as people jam on the brakes to avoid a camera ticket. In fact, the great majority of tickets are for rolling right hand turns, a far cry from the danger posed from running a red light.
It appears that, with ticket cost gouging ($400 – $500) for not stopping before a right turn on a red light, many motorists are becoming more cautious or are demanding that the red light cameras be removed altogether. This has lead to a significant reduction in municipal revenues and severely impacts the fortunes of red light camera vendors who partner with municipalities to share the bounty.
Now, the dishonest red light camera vendors appear to be, once again, lobbying “compliant” (spelled corrupt) politicians, to hoodwink the public into continuing the abominable camera systems.
Enter uber-liberal political tool and water carrier for the red light camera industry, California Assembly Member Bob Wieckowski …
Bob Wieckowski is an American attorney and politician in California. He was elected November 2, 2010 to the California State Assembly. Wieckowski previously served as vice-mayor of Fremont, and was a member of their city council. Wieckowski attended the University of California, Berkeley where he earned a bachelor of art before attended law school at Santa Clara University School of Law where he earned a juris doctorate. Following law school he worked in bankruptcy law at The Law Offices of Robert A. Wieckowski.
Bait and Switch …
You would believe a progressive lawyer would want to protect consumers and our legal system? But you would be wrong. Because here comes Bobby Babble who is telling people that his legislation will reduce the amount of those onerous and pesky red light camera tickets.
The amount of the civil penalty for an automated violation that is recorded and cited under this section is an amount equal to one-half the total bail for a violation of Section 21453, 21455, 22101, or 22451, as the case may be, as set forth in the uniform countywide schedule of bail. As used in this subdivision, “total bail” means the amount established pursuant to Section 1269b of the Penal Code in accordance with the Uniform Statewide Bail Schedule adopted by the Judicial Council, including all assessments, surcharges, and penalty amounts.
Yes, the amount is one-half the total bail of an amount that the courts set – plus those outrageous “add-on” supplementary charges that jack up the fees.
According to the California DMV …
Traffic fines in California are difficult to pinpoint due to additional penalty assessment fees and surcharges that vary by county. Consequently, a ticket with a $35 base fine may actually cost you $146.
Surcharges: The state charges a 20% surcharge on all traffic tickets. This means, for example, a $40 fine will incur a surcharge of $8.
List of Other Additional Fees
State Penalty Assessment
County Penalty Assessment
Court Facility Construction Penalty Assessment
DNA Identification Fund Penalty Assessment
Emergency Medical Services (EMS) Penalty Assessment
Auto Insurance Rate Increase
Depending on the infraction, points may be added to your driving record, resulting in a jump in your car insurance rates.
So, if a $35 ticket can cost $146, what do you think a $250.00 ticket might cost?
So what does the aptly-numbered Assembly Bill A.B. 666 really do?
Eliminates Your Right to a Trial if You Get a Red Light Camera Ticket
Makes You Responsible for the Ticket Even When Someone Else Is Driving
Sets up Kangaroo “Administrative Hearing” Courts Run By Those Who Gave You the Ticket
No Evidence Other than the Ticket Itself is Needed to Convict You
No Right to Face Your Accuser
You Are Assumed Guilty and Have to Prove Your Innocence
You Will Have to Pay a Fee If You Want Your Case Heard in Court
Expands the Use of Photo Enforcement to Other Traffic Violations
Red Light Tickets will Count on Your Moving Violation Point Count – Affecting Your Insurance Rates
Refusal of Registration for Nonpayment of Automated Violation Penalties
And, about those notorious “snitch tickets” …
If you were not driving, you, the car owner, must turn snitch and provide information on who was actually driving when it was ticketed or be responsible for paying the ticket! Why is this important? Because under current law, you are not compelled to respond to the red light camera operator. This turns YOU, the vehicle owner, into an agent of the municipality and their partners, the red light camera vendors.
There are several legal questions that remain to be answered.
If a husband, the car owner, is forced to testify against his wife, the driver, does this violate California's "Spousal Privilege" provisions?
Or, does this legislation violate the "due process" provisions of the Constitution?
Is there a problem with someone who swears that they have witnessed a violation by simply reviewing a film?
Is there a corrupt conflict of interest between those who install red light cameras for the sole purpose of revenue generation when a "disparate analysis" of the data shows that the installation of the cameras does not provide a meaningful increase in resident safety?
Here is a Google Chat Session with Journalists …
Bottom line …
Red light camera systems are not about keeping the public safe or I would be on the other side of the argument. They are just another revenue generation mechanism for funding an increasingly corrupt political system and corrupt politicians who are willing to carry the water of the red light vendors who influence this troublesome legislation. And, it is not just about those staggering fines, but about increasing your insurance premiums.
If you want to see the full impact of red light cameras, snitch tickets and other such political machinations, you may wish to visit www.highwayrobbery.net to see the full impact of these nefarious red light camera systems.
-- steve
Reference Links …
California Assembly AB666
Highway Robbery -- Best Site for Red Light Ticket Information and Advice
Related articles
CA introduces "AB 666″, an evil scheme to fleece motorists and eviscerate their rights
Letter to the Editor: Red light cameras
The Red Light Camera Program Controversy: How Prevention Methods May Break an Impasse
DEBATE: Should Red Light Cameras Be Used to Help Police in Criminal Cases?
Safety Warnings Must be Repeated to be Remembered
Red light camera tickets bring in millions
California Committee Would Give Photo Ticket Points To Non-Drivers
ELECTRONIC HEALTH RECORDS: WHO OWNS YOUR DATA? WHO SHOULD CONTROL ACCESS? HOW MUCH OF YOUR OWN DATA SHOULD YOU BE ALLOWED TO SEE?
Posted: 27 Mar 2013 05:08 PM PDT
There is a difference between voluntary, involuntary and mandatory data collection …
Unlike Facebook, where a user VOLUNTARILY provides non-public personal information to a company knowing that it will be data-mined for sale to advertisers as an aid to producing narrowly-targeted advertising; ostensibly as a benefit to the consumer in reducing spam and to the advertiser in reducing unproductive costs, certain private companies are now attempting to monetize transactional data for the same purposes. Many consumers also give grocery stores, pharmacies and other shops the same VOLUNTARY right to their data by using affinity cards in return for in-store discounts and access to other promotions. Unfortunately, in these cases, the consumer has no rights to review the data, even if it contains gross errors.
As we have seen with credit reporting agencies, financial institutions have exerted their right to control your transactional data and provide this personal and non-public information to credit reporting agencies as a public service to consumers … to reduce the amount of effort and paperwork needed to verify your credit-related information and provide you with stress-free credit opportunities. Your right to review your data and correct erroneous data is guaranteed by federal statute; although you should be aware that the consumer disclosure report is far different from the report actually sent to subscriber companies requesting your data.
But, what if your telephone company exerted the same type of transactional claim and used your telephone record to serve targeted advertising in return for a discount on your voice or data plan? You might be just a little more concerned about how that data is being used and who is allowed to see it.
Now, physicians are attempting to limit how much of their patient’s data they should be able to access as we move to government-mandate electronic health records …
Most U.S. Doctors Believe Patients Should Update Electronic Health Record, but Not Have Full Access to It, According to Accenture Eight-Country Survey
A new Accenture survey shows that most U.S. doctors surveyed (82 percent) want patients to actively participate in their own healthcare by updating their electronic health records. However, only a third of physicians (31 percent) believe a patient should have full access to his or her own record, 65 percent believe patients should have limited access and 4 percent say they should have no access (See figure 1). These findings were consistent among 3,700 doctors surveyed by Accenture in eight countries: Australia, Canada, England, France, Germany, Singapore, Spain and the United States.
Patients Access to Records
While nearly half of U.S. doctors (47 percent) surveyed believe patients should not be able to update their lab test results, the >vast majority believe patients should be able to update some or all of the standard information in their health records, including demographics (95 percent), family medical history (88 percent), medications (87 percent) and allergies (85 percent).And, the majority of doctors (81 percent) believe patients should even be able to add such clinical updates to their records as new symptoms or self-measured metrics, including blood pressure and glucose levels.
“Many physicians believe that patients should take an active role in managing their own health information, because it fosters personal responsibility and ownership and enables both the patient and doctor to track progress outside scheduled appointments,” said Mark Knickrehm, global managing director of Accenture Health. “Several U.S. health systems have proven that the benefits outweigh the risks in allowing patients open access to their health records, and we expect this trend to continue."
In fact, nearly half of doctors surveyed (49 percent) believe that giving patients access to their records is crucial to providing effective care. But, only 21 percent of doctors surveyed currently allow patients to have online access to their medical summary or patient chart, the most basic form of a patient’s record.
Perceptions of Electronic Health Records
More than half of doctors surveyed (53 percent) believe that the introduction of electronic health records has improved the quality of patient care, and the overwhelming majority (84 percent) say they are somewhat or strongly committed to promoting electronic records in their clinical practice. Most (77 percent) believe the right investments in adopting electronic records are being made and 83 percent believe they will become integral to effective patient care in the next two years.
Bottom line …
I have mixed feelings about electronic healthcare records.
One, I believe that there should be tight security on all medical records and that an inviolable access log; along with criminal and civil penalties for the inappropriate use of medical records for commercial, political or personal use by unauthorized personnel.
Two, I believe that there should be specific controls on information releases, including probable-cause subpoenas, controls on overly-broad releases of the entire record, governmental access controls and insurance company controls. I do not believe a patient should be allowed to issue a unilateral release for any and all medical information as a routine part of dealing with an insurance company or any other entity.
Three, I believe that medical records should be divided into three components: primary medical record containing exam and test results along with the doctor’s impressions; a secondary medical record containing confidential information that should not be reviewed or released to any third-party; and a patient area for anecdotal information and uncalibrated instrument test results.
Four, I believe that the patient should have the right to review all of the medical records, but that the update procedure should be formalized and the information reviewed by a doctor if it is entered in a primary record. Primarily because of low-quality scanned information and the uncertainty of illegible handwriting which can be misinterpreted.
Five, I believe that a patient should also have access to the coding used to describe their visits and treatments as many doctors falsify or shade coding to maximize their insurance payments – coding which may portray the patient in a wrong light or add non-existent conditions and complications to the record.
In the final analysis, while I trust my doctor implicitly with my medical care, I have my doubts about his medical coders and the ability of his staff to even place the right information in the right file. This is a serious subject which must be given serious attention as we move forward with electronic health records.
-- steve
Today's top stories: Via Daily Caller
March 28, 2013
1.) Rand Paul endorses Mitch McConnell in 2014 Senate race
2.) Nancy Pelosi flubs attempt to bash Republicans on gay marriage [VIDEO]
3.) South Carolina primary: Bostic gets big endorsements, Sanford holds big lead in runoff
4.) Study: School administrative bloat increased 700 percent since 1950
5.) TSA simplifies screening process for wounded soldiers
6.) Dale Peterson, Alabama's one-time celebrity Ag candidate, arrested again
7.) Levin: Bill O'Reilly reminds me of Barack Obama [AUDIO]
8.) DOJ kept judges in the dark about cellphone tracking device
9.) California politician proposes tax on email
10.) Limbaugh hits O'Reilly for calling same-sex marriage opponents 'Bible-thumpers'
11.) Idaho science teacher uses the word 'vagina' in sex-ed lesson, gets investigated
12.) Colion Noir to Jim Carrey: 'You stopped being funny' [VIDEO]
13.) You must watch the trailer for 'What Would Ryan Lochte Do?' immediately [VIDEO]
14.) Severed ears throughout the years [SLIDESHOW]
15.) Here is the trailer for 'White House Down,' soon to be the greatest movie of 2013 [VIDEO]
The Daily Caller | 1050 17th St. NW | Suite 900 | Washington, DC | 20036 | US
Growing Risk of Another North Korean Attack
North Korea never stops threatening its enemies.
The belligerent dictatorship routinely threatens to turn Seoul, the capital of South Korea, into a “sea of fire.” Recent videos have threatened America with nuclear annihilation.
Of course, after countless threats aren’t followed with action, the world wonders when to believe it.
The young leader Kim Jong-un is presiding over an administration, however, that shows a dangerous pattern.
Over the years, North Korea has repeatedly attacked allied military and civilian targets, including assassination attempts against the South Korean president, blowing up a civilian airliner, shooting down a U.S. Air Force plane, and seizing a U.S. Navy ship. This month, North Korea nullified the armistice ending the Korean War, moved artillery closer to the demilitarized zone, and warned South Koreans on border islands to evacuate.
All this suggests greater potential for another attack—perhaps imminent—on South Korean military and civilian targets. North Korea announced on Tuesday that it had put all of its artillery and rocket forces on the highest state of wartime alert, including those units “assigned to strike U.S. imperialist aggressor bases on the U.S. mainland and on Hawaii and Guam and other operational zones in the Pacific, as well as all enemy targets in South Korea.”
South Korean President Park Geun-hye has vowed to respond forcefully to the next North Korean attack—and Seoul should counter-strike the next time North Korea attacks. If there are no consequences, the north will continue its attacks.
Of course, a stronger response from South Korea could mean escalation, and the U.S. must be prepared to join its ally. In fact, we are committed. On March 22, Washington and Seoul signed a Combined Counter-Provocation Plan to counter North Korean tactical-level attacks. The plan provides for a “strong and decisive combined South Korean and U.S. response.”
But friends—and enemies—are questioning U.S. ability to deliver on its security promises.
North Korea’s threats prompted the Obama Administration to reverse some of its reductions in missile defense recently, but that is not nearly enough. The Administration’s reassurances that America can defend itself and its allies actually contradict the Deputy Secretary of Defense, who warned that sequestration would have devastating effects on U.S. defenses in the Pacific.
The Obama Administration’s much-heralded “pivot to Asia” has been rhetoric without resources. Claims of the U.S. being “back in Asia” were undermined by a budget-driven defense strategy that left the military shortchanged and U.S. credibility and resolve in doubt.
Defense needs should drive the defense budget. More of the defense cuts need to be reversed to ensure that American forces are capable of whatever is demanded of them.
North Korea may be blustering again, but we can’t take that chance. We have to be prepared for the day that it attacks.
LEARN MORE:
Increasing Risk of North Korean Tactical Attack on South Korea: What U.S. Needs to Do
Bruce Klingner, a Heritage senior research fellow, is the former chief of the CIA's Korea Branch.
FEATURED POSTS
Cyprus: Last-Minute Bailout Doesn’t Address Eurozone’s Underlying Systemic Issues
The Arms Trade Treaty, Week Two: The Ways It Might Fail
Today at the Supreme Court: Same-Sex Marriage and the Defense of Marriage Act
State of Emergency Declared in Burma
Tweet Out: Actor Tweeting Every Word of 906-Page Obamacare Law
QUICK HITS
Even liberals are criticizing CNN host Piers Morgan’s emotional outburst at Heritage scholar Ryan Anderson during Tuesday’s marriage debate. Mediaite columnist Noah Rothman said Anderson “has more courage than just about any pundit I can name.”
Tennessee’s Republican governor said Wednesday his state would not expand Medicaid under Obamacare. The expansion would cost Tennessee taxpayers $1.2 billion through 2022.
Federal employees who fail to show up for work or conduct union duties on government time are costing taxpayers millions in wasted hours, reports the Washington Guardian.
As lawmakers prepare to tackle immigration reform, Congress should not adopt failed policies of the past, such as amnesty, writes Heritage’s David Addington.
You are subscribed to this newsletter as josephmoran7156@gmail.com.
If you want to receive other Heritage Foundation newsletters or opt out of this newsletter please click here to update your subscription preferences.
Medicare Part G You're a sick senior citizen and....
The Obamacare government says there
is no nursing home care available for you. So what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years, or older, a gun (G) and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.
Of course, this means you'll be sent to prison, where you will
receive three meals a day, a roof over your head,
central heating and air conditioning and all the health care
you need.
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great.
Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all
covered.
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at
least as often as they do now.
And who will be paying for all of this? The same
government that just told you they can't afford for you to
go into a home.
And, you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you're at it.
Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any
income taxes anymore.
Is this a great country or what?
=
=
is no nursing home care available for you. So what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years, or older, a gun (G) and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.
Of course, this means you'll be sent to prison, where you will
receive three meals a day, a roof over your head,
central heating and air conditioning and all the health care
you need.
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great.
Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all
covered.
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at
least as often as they do now.
And who will be paying for all of this? The same
government that just told you they can't afford for you to
go into a home.
And, you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you're at it.
Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any
income taxes anymore.
Is this a great country or what?
=
=
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Guns Save Lives
Gun Store Rescinds Mark Kelly’s AR15 Purchase, Questioning His Intent For the Sale
Jim Carrey Tweets That He Has an Armed Bodyguard After Mocking Gun Owners in Music Video
[Video] KY Resident Fires At, Scares Off Intruder Who Broke Into Home Where 3 Children Were Staying
[Video] Latest Colion Noir NRA Video – Dishonest Solutions – Real Causes of Violence and Real Solutions
OK Homeowner Shoots Home Invader While Waiting on Police & On Phone With 911
[Video] Proposed CA Gun Bill Would Hinder Ability of Citizens to Sell Private Property
Gun Owners Generated Nearly $1 Billion For Wildlife Conservation Last Year
Jim Carrey Releases Music Video Mocks Gun Owners, Deceased Charlton Heston
Eric Holder’s Justice Department to Invest $20 Million For Improving Background Checks
Gun Store Rescinds Mark Kelly’s AR15 Purchase, Questioning His Intent For the Sale
Posted: 25 Mar 2013 09:00 PM PDT
Mark Kelly made headlines a few weeks ago when he was caught buying an AR15 style rifle in an Arizona gun shop. Kelly said the purchase of the rifle was to make a political point about how easy it is to buy those types of weapons. Some questioned Kelly’s purchase of the rifle, saying that [...]
Jim Carrey Tweets That He Has an Armed Bodyguard After Mocking Gun Owners in Music Video
Posted: 25 Mar 2013 08:10 PM PDT
Well, I guess hypocricy knows no bounds. Less than a day after releasing a classless music video mocking gun owners and the deceased actor Charlton Heston Jim Carrey alluded to having an armed bodyguard on Twitter. So, Jim, you mock those of us who would have weapons and yet you enjoy the protection of an [...]
[Video] KY Resident Fires At, Scares Off Intruder Who Broke Into Home Where 3 Children Were Staying
Posted: 25 Mar 2013 01:15 PM PDT
It was a scary moment when a man wearing a bandana over his face broke into a KY home that was occupied by three adults and three children. A friend of the homeowner ran to a back bedroom and grabbed a gun. The resident fired a single shot at the intruder who then fled. The [...]
[Video] Latest Colion Noir NRA Video – Dishonest Solutions – Real Causes of Violence and Real Solutions
Posted: 25 Mar 2013 12:53 PM PDT
Here is the latest video from new NRA commentator Colion Noir. Noir is an attorney and has been a longtime Youtube personality speaking out for gun rights. His new NRA videos keep the same no nonsense, easy to understand approach and add a little bit of glitz and glam. We’re impressed with the work he [...]
OK Homeowner Shoots Home Invader While Waiting on Police & On Phone With 911
Posted: 25 Mar 2013 11:03 AM PDT
An OK homeowner did everything he could to get police to his home before an intruder forced his way in. The homeowner told the 911 operator that police needed to arrive or he was going to have defend himself. While waiting on police, the homeowner was forced to shoot the suspect, who forced his way [...]
[Video] Proposed CA Gun Bill Would Hinder Ability of Citizens to Sell Private Property
Posted: 25 Mar 2013 10:54 AM PDT
A new bill being proposed in CA would only allow gun owners to sell five guns per year. This means if you find yourself in a bind financially and need to sell a firearms collection in CA you would not be able to do so. Currently in CA you can legally sell guns six times [...]
Gun Owners Generated Nearly $1 Billion For Wildlife Conservation Last Year
Posted: 25 Mar 2013 10:46 AM PDT
Through the taxes on the sale of guns, ammunition, hunting/fishing licenses, and archery equipment, nearly $1 billion was raised to go towards wildlife conservation in 2012 according to TheBlaze.com. Much of the revenue came from strong gun sales in the previous year. Part of the tax on the sale of firearms is earmarked for conservation [...]
Jim Carrey Releases Music Video Mocks Gun Owners, Deceased Charlton Heston
Posted: 25 Mar 2013 09:30 AM PDT
…really Jim Carrey? So he gets his first two movie deals in years and apparently Jim Carrey thinks he’s relevant again. People are certainly entitled to their own opinion, but mocking nearly 1/3 of the population and specifically a deceased fellow actor fall into the absolutely classless area in my opinion. I’ve known Carrey was [...]
Eric Holder’s Justice Department to Invest $20 Million For Improving Background Checks
Posted: 25 Mar 2013 08:52 AM PDT
According to The Daily Caller, The Justice Department’s Office of Justice Programs (OJP) is planning to invest more than $20 million to strengthen the firearm background check system by improving states’ abilities to share information with the National Instant Criminal Background Check System (NICS). OJP’s Bureau of Justice Assistance (BJA) and Bureau of Justice Statistics [...]
Monday, March 25, 2013
Good news for gun owners
Sometimes our politicians are so smart that they outsmart themselves.
....Looks like obama should have read the "obamacare" law before he signed it, OR he was so eager to get "obamacare" that he didn't care about the "gun owners" clause that was in it!
So, obama was either stupid for not reading the bill OR knew the clause was necessary to get his "obamacare" passed, so that his ego could soar!
It was discovered that hidden deep within the massive 2800-page bill called obamacare, there is a Senate Amendment protecting the right to keep and bear arms.
It seems that in their haste to cram socialized medicine down the throats of the American people, then-Speaker nancy pelosi (D-CA) and barack obama overlooked Senate amendment 3276, Sec. 2716, part c.
According to that amendment, the government cannot collect "any information relating to the lawful ownership or possession of a firearm or ammunition." This means that the government CANNOT mandate firearm registration. No registration, no confiscation. Poor ol' joe biden, he spent the last couple of weeks focusing on making a law requiring registration. Good thing is though, the amendment also states that not even an executive order can override the amendment.
CNN is now referring to it as "a gift to the Nation's powerful gun lobby."
And according to Senate Majority Leader harry reid (D-NV), that's exactly right.
He says he personally added the provision in order to keep the NRA from getting involved in the legislative fight over obamacare, which was so ubiquitous in 2010.
It looks like harry reid actually helped out firearm owners without even realizing it. Thanks Harry!!
GO to:
http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2013/01/09/Backfire-Obamacare-Forbids-Gun-and-Ammo-Registration
Sometimes our politicians are so smart that they outsmart themselves.
....Looks like obama should have read the "obamacare" law before he signed it, OR he was so eager to get "obamacare" that he didn't care about the "gun owners" clause that was in it!
So, obama was either stupid for not reading the bill OR knew the clause was necessary to get his "obamacare" passed, so that his ego could soar!
It was discovered that hidden deep within the massive 2800-page bill called obamacare, there is a Senate Amendment protecting the right to keep and bear arms.
It seems that in their haste to cram socialized medicine down the throats of the American people, then-Speaker nancy pelosi (D-CA) and barack obama overlooked Senate amendment 3276, Sec. 2716, part c.
According to that amendment, the government cannot collect "any information relating to the lawful ownership or possession of a firearm or ammunition." This means that the government CANNOT mandate firearm registration. No registration, no confiscation. Poor ol' joe biden, he spent the last couple of weeks focusing on making a law requiring registration. Good thing is though, the amendment also states that not even an executive order can override the amendment.
CNN is now referring to it as "a gift to the Nation's powerful gun lobby."
And according to Senate Majority Leader harry reid (D-NV), that's exactly right.
He says he personally added the provision in order to keep the NRA from getting involved in the legislative fight over obamacare, which was so ubiquitous in 2010.
It looks like harry reid actually helped out firearm owners without even realizing it. Thanks Harry!!
GO to:
http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2013/01/09/Backfire-Obamacare-Forbids-Gun-and-Ammo-Registration
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Guns Save Lives
BREAKING: Senate Votes To Keep US OUT of UN Arms Treaty
Posted: 23 Mar 2013 03:01 PM PDT
TheHill.com is reporting that the US Senate has passed a bill opting the United States out of the proposed UN Arms Treaty. It was a rare bipartisan support of the Second Amendment. “We’re negotiating a treaty that cedes our authority to have trade agreements with our allies in terms of trading arms,” Sen. James Inhofe [...]
Star Trek Actor Brent Spiner Calls for Assault Weapons Ban – Add Another Actor the Boycott List
Posted: 23 Mar 2013 11:29 AM PDT
Star Trek actor Brent Spiner got into a debate on Twitter a couple of days ago after lamenting the fact that the federal assault weapons ban appears to be dead in the water. Here are the screenshots of a few of the tweets in question. Note, they read from bottom to top chronologically. I guess [...]
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Biden's One-Night Paris Hotel Tab: $585,000.50
Biden's One-Night Paris Hotel Tab: $585,000.50
Biden's $459,388.65 Hotel Bill | The Weekly Standard
http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/biden-pays-45938865-hotel-bill_708795.html
Biden's $459,388.65 Hotel Bill | The Weekly Standard
http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/biden-pays-45938865-hotel-bill_708795.html
Another O Foreign Policy Failure!
Vladimir Putin rolls out the red carpet (and guards on horseback) for visit of President Xi Jinping - Asia - World - The Independent
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/putin-rolls-out-the-red-carpet-and-guards-on-horseback-for-visit-of-president-xi-8546512.html
Friday, March 22, 2013
Bowling alley in Clearwater, FL is ........
Want to knock his teeth out? A bowling alley in Clearwater , Florida , Bowl-O-Bama, is doing record business despite a bad economy. The alley also reported a record number of 300 games. Since opening in November 2010, 963 patrons have bowled a perfect game , including strikes in the warm-up frames. This alley also has the highest bowling league average in the country, with a 237.
And that's the senior league.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
APHORISMS FOR THE YEAR...
It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.
We have enough "youth".
How about a fountain of "smart"?
The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.
A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.
LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto:
At least we're not Mississippi
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population
"You know why a banana is like a politician?"
"He comes in and first he is green,
then he turns yellow
and then he's rotten."
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors."
The reason Politicians try so
hard to get re-elected is that they
would 'hate' to have to make a living
under the laws they've passed.
Smile! Funny Jokes!
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but
then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're
not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and
put $50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw
that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
LEMON SQUEEZE
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love
to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons
into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
CATHOLIC DOG
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest
and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the
poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an
animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for
the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough
to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya
tell me the dog was Catholic?
DONATION
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
CONFESSION
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation
ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked
up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex
with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!'
BROTHEL TRIP
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a
young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and
asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
SENIITY
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting
senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not
senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip
down.'
PEST CONTROL
A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a
pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the
bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed
him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the
bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man
replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! '
MARRIAGE HUMOR
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an
hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
-------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
----------------------------------
STRESS RELIEVER
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or
troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------------------------
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
-----------------------------
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my
father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter who
left you the fortune!'
------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face
or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of
humor!'
HUSBANDS ARE HUSBANDS
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied, 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny
on it that I found in your pants pocket.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the
name of the horse I bet on.'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later
the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an
even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned.'
Let us pray......................
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk
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