As it is today, so it was in Rome. People have always tried to tell other people what they want to hear. Yeah, you’re doing great. Have you lost weight? I love your new haircut, boss. As a species, humans are quite good at obsequious flattering. That’s one of the things social media has harnessed: Our endless capacity for receiving and giving. We can fish for compliments and easily catch them as well. I am doing something special. Look at how many people liked my post!
Think about Seneca and Marcus Aurelius as they moved through the hierarchy of Roman life to higher and higher positions. They would have found, as all leaders find, that the more powerful you become, the less truth you hear. The more likely you are to encounter sycophants and hangers-on.
This is very dangerous. Because it fuels ego and starves moral progress. As Seneca warned Lucilius:
The chief obstacle is that we are quick to be satisfied with ourselves. If we find someone to call us good men, cautious and principled, we acknowledge him. We are not content with a moderate eulogy, but accept as our due whatever flattery has shamelessly heaped upon us. We agree with those who call us best and wisest, although we know they often utter many falsehoods: we indulge ourselves so greatly that we want to be praised for a virtue which is the opposite of our behavior. A man hears himself called ‘most merciful’ while he is inflicting torture. So it follows that we don’t want to change because we believe we are already excellent.
Ego is the enemy of getting better. Epictetus reminds us that we can’t learn what we think we already know. We can’t improve if we believe we are perfect. Which is why we have to be on guard against false friends and flattery and unearned self-esteem.
Because as nice as it feels, it is actually harming us. Progress is what we are after—not getting people to tell us we’re perfect…
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