When giving directions in Florida, you must always start with the words, "take I-75, take I-4 or take I-95..." If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely are not in any rush. NO EXCEPTIONS. Freeways can only go north and south . . . Not east and west. Tolls are a fact of life, the state has to make money, so deal with it! I-275 ( Tampa area) will always be under construction ... that's the law and there is nothing anyone can do about it, period! 'A1A' and 'ALT A1A' are the same road. Traffic lights are not timed and never will be. We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles. If you travel more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of Florida without seeing an orange barricade, you're lost! If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly acceptable to back up! Every street in Florida has both a name and a number (i.e. Adamo = Rt. 60) just for the heck of it and also for the pleasure we get from reaction of visitors when we give them directions. Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection eight more go through on yellow, and 4 more on red. Know the difference between Sun-Pass, Sun-Fest, Sun-Sentinel and Sun-Trust. Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual. Your blinker means nothing. English is our first and second language. It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator. We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you. Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one. When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advanced warning and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix to stock up water, ice, and potato chips. You know how to spell Okeechobee. There is an Okeechobee Lake, Town, County, Blvd, Street, and Avenue. A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with someone who already owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches. If you were, you're angry that everyone else has moved here. There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost every corner - with more being built every day. When picking up a woman on South Beach, always check for an Adams apple. It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations. There is a city called 'The Villages' where 100,000 old people live that all drive golf carts and dance in the streets. Jupiter is a city, not a planet. Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays . . not weeknights or weekends . . that's for the working folks. There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and also a football team. You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go back up north. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways. No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be able to figure out your property taxes. Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside. But inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees. This would be even funnier if it weren't so true. | 
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