Obama Announces New Federal Golf Rules

December 26, 2012 by Dan Mitchell
I’ve never criticized President Obama for playing a lot of golf. As far as I’m concerned, the nation is in much better shape when politicians spend a lot of time goofing off.

But I’m more than happy to use golf as a humor prop to make a serious points about public policy.

Earlier this year, for instance, I shared this golfing cartoon to help emphasize that Obama has been a big spender.

Let’s build upon that cartoon with a bit of humor sent to me by a friend from the Caribbean.

Here’s some new rules for golf, based on Obama’s soak-the-rich/entrap-the-poor approach to fiscal policy.

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President B.H.O. has recently appointed a Golf Czar.

Major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective January, 20 2013.

This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2716 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.

Here are a few of the changes:

Golfers with handicaps:
- Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.

The term “gimmie” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:
- Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
- Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.

Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par.

Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.

This is intended to “re-distribute” the success of winning by making sure that in all competitions every Player above an 18 handicap will post only “net score” against every other player’s “gross score”.

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.

Golf must be about Fairness.

It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility.

This is the “Right thing to do.”

So, please remember; if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn’t shoot it yourself. Someone else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it. Someone else built the clubs and the cart.

You need to share with everyone and anyone who made you a successful golfer.

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The “Entitleist” photo is a great touch.

Though it’s very dark humor for someone like me who believes in self reliance and favors entitlement reform.

P.S. Have you ever wondered how America’s Declaration of Independence would look if our friends from the left had been in charge?